i am unable to believe that it has been two years since joey left this time and place.

only two short years, and yet it seems a life time filled with loss and heartache.

i still, at times, expect to see through my kitchen window, a bike flying around adorned with  gangly arms and knobby kneed legs of a young boy.

the many scenes i’ve watched of  joey, blain, and colton playing outside are etched in my mind’s memory, forever alive and laser sharp with color, sound, movement.

there is no loss in replay of the movie in my mind’s eye.

there is only, and forever, an eight year old little boy, full of fun, life, and laughter sailing on wings of wind while mounted on the two wheeled steed called a bicycle.

fast and faster!!

always rushing at life head on with all the confidence and assurance that only the very young or very old can know.

no fear!!

grab each moment and wring the very last drop of enjoyment out of it!

ah, joey,

you will never age.

you will never fail.

you will never struggle with the many and varied obstacles that life can throw in your path.

you will never watch age creep up and attack your loved ones.

you will never get aching pains or weak eyes or unstable limbs.

you will never, ever stop sailing on the wings of wind you create with your rushing, rushing, rushing forward flight into life–

life lived to the fullest each and every second.

you will be,  now and forever, that boy: filled to bursting with life, love, laughter, and light.

you will be missed as long as my heart beats.

you will never be forgotten.

you will always be the only way to fill the void space that formed in my heart and life when you left.

you are, and will always be, 8 years old, full of light, laughter, love, and life.

you will always be  joey

i love you and miss you each and every day.

i send to you, in the dimension you now inhabit:  love, love, love

keep shining, keep laughing, keep loving, keep lighting up the world as only you can

love

theresa

this is a big thing, because laughter has been in short supply for nearly 2 years.  time is helping to smooth the hurt.  it’s still there, but time is helping

i’m glad to be able to enjoy moments in the day again

the hurt will never completely go away, and as we get closer to the holidays, it is more difficult to keep the joy alive, but time is helping, and it is a new day

each day brings a little bubble of happiness inside the huge ocean of life

today i laughed out loud…..it’s a new day

i love you joey, and can never replace the empty place you left in my heart, but time is helping me to find small little moments of joy to help me continue on….

theresa

it has been a most difficult year.

i am not the person i  was.

i have been in a battle royal, and have scars that will remain with me for the rest of my life.

i am slowly returning to life.

 inside, the dry, shadowy barrenness is beginning to offer some promise of rejuvenation, of a renewal, a glimpse of hope.

 i am tenderly sheltering that promise, that glimpse, that hope.

i can only blaze a trail through an hour at a time, but each day i have managed to fight my way through twenty four of them.

painfully, slowly, almost regretfully i continue to hack at the minutes that are gnarled into the hours that interweave into days.

that is all i can do for now—

  it is enough

a tiny shoot of life pushes it’s fragile self into the arid, vast emptiness–

it is enough

for now

theresa

even though the month may be passed, the pain of loss is still all too fresh in our hearts, spirits, and bodies.

never again can we hold an eight year old little ray of sunshine close and feel the warmth of energy and life.

the sadness and loss are tangible things that have gripped with talons that refuse to ease their hold.

answers are no where to be found, comfort is fleeting, hope is trampled in the ashes of things never to be.

death is an enemy that i cannot roust from our lives.    

time  may heal, but time is slow.

love yearns to ease the pain, but is manacled by sorrow.

the sun shines, the flowers bloom, the birds sing, but we weep.

maybe decades from now, time and love will have worked their healing, but for now there is only a constant running in my head of the many snapshot pictures of a wild and free, loving and caring, intelligent and striving  blond haired eight year old little boy who will never realize the promise of height, or success, or family.

for the loss of that, all that love, promise, future  i cannot and will not forgive death!

i will fight this enemy of life and laughter with all i possess until the day i remove my earth skin and move to the world of new birth and eternal life.

to all who have suffered loss–my heart grieves with you

to all who fight death—my spirit wars with you

theresa                                                                            

here is one of my favorite photos of my ‘kids’–we were having family portraits made to give to my mom and dad for Christmas-but my grandson didn’t really want to participate–he waited until a split second before the photographer snapped the shot to make his ‘sunglasses’–i told the nice lady to please print that pose-and it ended up as part of the present!!!  don’t you just love kids-LOL!!!

i have a birthday party to attend in about an hour-for my nephew’s fiancee, and i am making her a pair of birthstone earrings, so should be working on that instead of fiddling around here on the computer, but i think my creative cells are frozen along with the rest of me!! hee hee

i am laughing in the face of my pain here!!  i live in a little, old house that doesn’t stay very cozy when the wind howls at 20 mph-so it’s either laugh or cry, and i choose to laugh–hopefully things will return to normal for the time of year by monday, and i will recouperate from this awful case of cabin fever that has seized me–so…

i better get things in gear and create those earrings for that wonderful young lady who is going to become a member of the family (formally, that is) in April–we already love her and have decided that she can’t leave us, even if she wanted to! hee hee–she’s a real ‘keeper’

well, enough procrastinating–it’s off to the world of sterling silver, swarovski crystals, curving, coiling and crimping-all to create a little thing of beauty for a beauty of a little thing-will try to post a photo if i get finished with the earrings in time-

have a wonderful day, where ever you are, what ever the weather–give someone you love a hug, and someone you don’t love a kind word–make this world a better place, one person at a time

will talk again when my fingers are not frozen!! hee hee

theresa–shivering and shaking

well, let me tell ya what i know from watching my brother for years-

flintknappers take slabs and chunks of rock and stone and turn them into wonderfully beautiful designs. 

Gary, my brother has recreated everything from cave man era tools to ancient Mayan and Incan artifacts to Native American arrowheads, (or points)–and some really cool stuff in between–

he used to make stone heart pendants with a center cut out for his kids to give as presents to their teachers at school–he has done silhouettes of faces looking at each other outlined in a lacy design, and at my mom’s house is a five foot long piece that looks like something for harpooning whales!!! and all of it out of rocks!!!

the other amazing thing about Gary’s work is that he uses the same kinds of tools  the orginal workmen probably used-

from deer antler to flint rock to wood and obsidian–truly amazing that the beauty he creates comes from such primitive working tools!!!! 

 he has a room in his house-(actually it used to be his bedroom), that is used just for flintknapping, and he is happiest when he is sitting in there ‘chipping’ rocks!! 

 he has a bucket with the ‘before’ stones in it, and he lays a large tarp under where he sits, grabs his ‘tools’ and starts literally chipping a rock with it. 

 i have watched him as he made arrowheads so tiny that 5 would fit on a dime–blows me away for sure!!

also, the community of ‘knappers’ get together several times a year for a fun and educational time-camping and contests and all kinds of items for sell or barter–it’s almost like stepping back in time to visit one of these rendezvous–great people and great fun and as far as i could see, all family oriented–anyway-had several people ask what ‘flintknapping’ meant-so though i’d just take a second and give you a brief explaination–so now you know–theresa

we don’t get a lot of snow here in central arkansas-but we are getting some big ole fat fluffy flakes today! when i was younger-i enjoyed it—but now—i’d be happier with about 80 and sun!!

 the kids in our family are gonna have a ball so i guess it will be okay,  they are what is so important in my life- i love trying to do things that surprise and excite them–children are such a joy aren’t they!  and we have lots of kids around-all shapes, ages, and sizes!! luv ‘em every one!!

anyway-with the weather being so chilly i decided to load a couple of photos-

-i have a new set of earrings i want to show off-i have enjoyed wearing my design myself the last couple of weeks, and since they are just 1″ long-i get the effect of ‘dangles’ without the excessive length-i’m fairly short-with a small neck-and this is perfectly sized-they swing freely and sparkle like a diamond-so…i’m calling them  ‘sparkles’-hee hee

                                        Sparkles

14KGF earwires with Swarovski crystal AB bicones

i showed them against both a dark and light background ….well, just because it’s fun to see how differently they looked!!

Here is a ‘pearl and crystal’ lariat necklace that i also love! shimmery and creamy from the ‘pearls’– sparkley and iridescent from the crystals—with golden wire and accents– so i call this one

                                       Crystal Cream

and of course i made matching earrings!!

let me know what you think !!!  have a great day!!!   theresa

i did make a new bracelet-i call them ‘chattering’ bracelets because they make little clinking noises when you move your hand-i love it!-anyway, check it out and see what you think–i used all frosty, sparkley, crystal and silver-don’t know why, because i was longing for bright yellow sun, hot blue sky and green lush grass colors!!–guess i should get something accomplished today-i have 3 contests i want to enter-two are jewelry related and one is a writing contest-but, just wanted to let you see the newest creation from decidedly different design!! have a great day–theresa                                  

                                                   ICE CRYSTALS 

                           does this make you think ‘ice storm’? burrrrrr!!!!

well the sun is shinning!! what a surprise after yesterday-rain, rain, and more rain  –even though we need rain, i am so glad that big old golden orb is struttin’ it’s stuff today!! makes me feel excited and energetic!! going to church this morning and then may just come home and work on some Valentine pieces!!  am so behind in work!! plus i have a few new ideas i want to get off the board and into the fire-so to speak-so i better get out of cyberspace and back into the real world for a few hours–have a wonderful day-drop a line or two and let me know how your week went!!!  theresa